12 November 2010

Warning: weird rant ahead

This is going to turn into a rant of pretty personal things, so please feel free to ignore. I figure, I know two of you well enough to be comfortable about talking about this, and the others-you're across the pond so I won't see you to be uncomfortable about it.
Anyway, the last couple of weeks I've been faced with various attitudes, snarks and glorifying of eating disorders. With content that could be triggering for personal problems, there should always be a trigger warning. And such it is for many things. But, I don't know, I don't see the same courtesy for eating disorders. Which is fine, except whenever I see someone discussing weight, calories consumed, the cottage cheese on their thighs, the fatty fat fattys walking past, it ignites omething in me. Well, it ignites the self-loathing, unconfidence and hateful hateful voice that I, as many others do, like to call my best enemy Anna. My body hasn't been physically in danger for a long, long time now. But I don't know that I have ever recovered mentally, so when crap like..'lol, had 400 calories today, must be an anorexic now', I blow my rage hole. Teenagers who post comments on forums all 'lol, yeah, anorexia. I want to have it, I wish I were thin :(" Um. NO. NO. SORRY NO NO NO. NO-ONE PLANS TO BECOME SO MENTALLY OBSESSED WITH EVERY CALORIE THAT YOU WEIGH EVERYTHING YOU EAT. No one plans to become so obsessed with your weight that you have 30 minute arguments with your mother about whether or not she planted that chicken skin on your plate so she could fatten you up. No one plans to get so obsessive about everything that your skin turns blue, you're constantly cold, you can't remember feeling any kind of emotion and tiredness and no energy is such a common feeling that when, for once, you're not tired, you feel 500 million times better than you always would. I always remember that day when I went shopping for clothes and didn't yawn once. Because I felt so good, and I felt so free and even though it was a long way to go recovery wise, I had started to feel again. blah blah blah, whatever.
You know what else isn't helpful? Friends commenting on other people's weight freely, with no self-restraint. Judging what they put in their mouth, joking about their level of attractiveness. People on the internet, malicious and crap, talking about how 'haters are fat and ugly'. Screw. You. I don't know where you get off feeling morally superior to those who eat more/less than you, or those who weigh more/less than you, but please stop. For the love of all that is holy, stop it now. Orfearmywrathorsomething.

Jysk, 'eat a sandwich' isn't helpful. I didn't FEAR the sandwich, I was afraid of everything that came attached with the sandwich. Lol, and now I can't stop devouring chocolate. Will this cycle ever end? I don't know, but I DO know that laughing, mocking or judging people for their eating habits (which I'm sure you guys don't do by the way, this is a generic 'address the world' post) sits so far below cool I will consider ending the friendship. Or conversation. Whichever. Mental scars are still real, you just can't see them.


  1. Thank you for posting this. I'm also living with an eating disorder, not anorexia, and I feel the twisted thoughts about body image and food that permeate our society every day. Good on you for speaking up.

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  3. [TW for fat hatred]

    So, yesterday at work, my co-worker, a woman I like and respect was talking politics with me. We were discussing a couple of recent court decisions and other events that reinforce rape culture and homophobia. We were on the same side for both of these issues.

    Then she said something about the governor of Mississippi that hit me right in the solar plexus: "Well, have you seen him lately? He's gotten sooooo fat. He's obviously an idiot."


    Momentarily speechless, I gathered my courage and said, politely, "I feel I have to point out that being fat doesn't make you stupid. At least, it never made me stupid."

    She went with the "You're not really fat." defense, to which I replied with my current actual weight (180#) and my former high weight (240#). She shifted around some more, saying I was tall, so it didn't show so much on me. I said, politely, "Even if I were short, fat still wouldn't make me stupid."

    Patrons came up to the counter, and the subject was dropped. She remained friendly in her attitude towards me for the rest of the day. I hope I got through, just a little, but more than that, it matters to me that I said something.

    And I don't think I would have done it if not for your post. So thank you, again!

  4. Wow, thanks for both of the comments; they genuinely made me a lot happier :)It means a lot to me both that you challenged her and that you felt my post helped you do that. It can be very tiring asking people for a little common courtesy. Thank you!
    I hope that you can in time recover from your eating disorder; whatever 'type' it is, it's a shitty thing to live with.

  5. I just want to spread some love for the two of you. Thank you for talking about this so bravely and eloquently.