29 December 2010

Fish outta water

Hey hey, apologies for lack of postings - I've been up and down in terms of moods, and just all over in terms of life.

I was discussing my lack of posting with Acadian a bit ago, and one of the things we talked about - er, I babbled on about, rather, - is why I haven't been posting much.

You all should be very flattered - I often find myself intimidated to post here. You all are posting about news articles and issues that I don't even know about until I read your very posts. It feels a bit like bringing an inner-tube to the deep end of the pool: I just want to "say shit" and babble on about more personal stuff (it's just where my brain is) while the rest of yous are being all "articulate" and "posing valid interesting feminist questions"... and I know that it's not a requirement to post the thought-provoking essay-esque posts that you all do, but ... see above metaphor about inner-tube in deep end.


This year has very much been the year of me. I have taken up a LOT of my energy. My moods have been terrifying. I spent 6 months (no, REALLY!) on BC pills that had me crashing every-other week. I spent the next two months futzing with BC before I crashed enough to go off them completely. The last four months I've been cycling off and on. Between that, trying to get an apartment set up, and still working 40-hrs-a-week at my job being a big ol' adult and running things.... Basically, when people ask me what I've been doing, what I actually should be saying is "I've been babysitting myself the ENTIRE TIME and I'm fucking exhausted!"

Anyways, since I've been watching after myself, I find my musings very me-focused. (like hey, right now) and that leaves me with less posting about "very neat things" and more posting about "me me me".... which feels very shallow and whiny. Between this fact and that whole "I don't have polished writing" thing (which I posted about awhile ago, but can't find again), I find myself shy about posting here.

ANYWAYS- I was chatting to Acadian about this, and I felt like I wanted to share it with the class, because I dislike the fact that I've dropped off the face of the blog.