So, I hopped on board the Nanowrimo train. Yup, I sure did. I stayed on the main carriage of that train for about three days with my "shiny new fantasy" idea. I don't usually do fantasy, I write Young Adult - but this was different, this was not caring and being laid back and just writing to WRITE.
Problem was, I stopped caring. I didn't have an end in sight, and I haven't read enough fantasies to properly spoof them - I didn't even have names for people. I had no patience with any of it. It wasn't fun.
So I turned around and took a hold of that old stuck-in-my-head YA plot - and I said "FINE I WILL WRITE YOU DAMMIT!"
but.... no excitement there either.
Probably the only REAL productive thing I wrote was some porn. Which I did between the two ideas (no, you can't read it) lots of excitement there.
So Now I'm officially OFF the Nanowrimo train, and when I first hopped off of it (er, fell) I was a little glum and kind of "OH SHIT if I can't write for Nano how can I ever hope to write anything ever and also WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!?"
SO I had a little moment. or two. for a day or so.
and then I did an amazing thing: I forgave myself. I didn't beat myself up. I gave myself a little shrug, told myself it was ok, and tried to turn it around so I could find a little more good from the experience. For instance - I wrote that porn I mentioned earlier.
I'm writing this now, and I'm thinking maybe I'm going to try to write everyday, only I won't put limits on it. how many words, what piece, etc - maybe I just won't care.
So goodbye Nanowrimo - I do wish all the others on that train the best. I'll still enjoy my emailed pep talks. I hope next year we can work something out. In the meantime - I think this counts as my writing (woot!) so I'm on track for writing everyday. I think. I may have missed a day earlier. oh well.
(man, this forgiving yourself is really the way to go.)