still not dead.

Hey FnBers, and anyone else.

Just dropping a quick post:

This is the second week where I'm really having a hard time with life. I even had a great idea for a post the other day, but I just don't have any sort of energy - mental or physical - to spare for an actual GOOD blog post. (or at least GOOD in my eyes)

My depression has generally been taking it's usual form - which is that I think I am not particularly needed/missed/liked. I don't think people HATE me, simply that I am insignificant to them - that if I were gone they would say. "oh hmm. bummer." and not really be all that upset.

I know this is not true in my head, but in that deep feeling place that believes random things, I believe these things to be true.

of course, my physical manifestations are not eating enough, sleeping too little or too much, and having no enthusiasm for anything at all.

to top it off, I'm having a LOT of work stress right now, which I in turn into feeling bad for feeling stressed when I'm repeatedly told not to stress so much.

****

I have a day off and a dinner engagement to attend to, and I need to get up and out and moving. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for not contributing much these past weeks, I don't know when I'll be back in the blogging saddle, and I would feel bad but I know you all understand - and my plate is already overloaded with feeling bad, so thank you, for being internet nice enough for me to not feel bad about missing post after post.

also, thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate it.