Bits 'N' Bobs

This started out as a mini-post, and turned into a sort of fragmented meander - though hopefully an interesting one...

So, firstly, I’m wondering perhaps I’ve bitten off more than I can chew for roughly the 19^th time in my life. Continuing on from Arcadian, at nearly 23 I’m wondering when I will work out my limits. Unlike Arcadian, I feel I can blame this sense of near-invincibility-until-I-actually-keel-over on my parents. Well, my mum. She’s a classic ‘superwoman’ – have an amazing career, create a wonderful home and look after a very demanding family, and more – a truly amazing woman who is (however clichéd it sounds) one of my best friends as well as my mum. However, growing up with this as a role model does sort of instil one with a sense that ‘nothing you ever do will ever match up’. A vague impression that I’ll never be working hard enough or aiming high enough.

I’m currently adjusting to working full time for the first time in my life (for longer than 6 weeks) and loving about 98% of it. The only problem being that when I arrive home I’m shattered. I can attempt to something other than have a bath, perhaps watch a bit of TV and go to bed, but it generally doesn’t end happily. Granted, it’s not your average job (touring a theatre-in-education play around primary schools, average 1 ½ hours driving each way and between schools – turns out it’s quite hard work) and I do have a pain/fatigue condition, so I could sort of be let off. But there’s always a little guilty niggle at the back of my brain pointing out that my mother (and to a certain extent my father) has never let illness or fatigue slow her down. I know that the majority of this is me, not my parents – and that they’d be horrified to know this. They have been nothing but supportive, incredibly so, throughout my life. But still I find myself trying to do more and more – alongside a full time 10 hours a day physical job I’m running a weekly drama group (plus fundraiser/performance coming up, gulp) and two book groups, and long distance relationship and all that general family/friends social stuff. On top of a pain/fatigue condition.

To sum up, half of me is going “woah slow down there lady, you’re running yourself into the ground”, whilst the other half is reminding me that “pfft. That’s nothing. Stop whining and do something WORTHWHILE.” Then there’s a tiny little part of me also going “when are you going to grow up, stop worrying about what other people think and realise your limits?" Though does that ever happen? Looking at my mum (however much I love and admire her) I would say not…

Secondly, on a happier and totally random, unrelated note, just when I think Daniel Radcliffe (in his own special way) could not make me adore him any more, he sings the Elements song on national television. However odd this sounds, it made me so happy I thought I would burst (thanks to Arcadian for the tip off!) so thought I would share it with you to lighten up my little whingefest.

Finally, since I seem to be meandering around the place, much to my amusement/despair I vaguely feel it is my duty as a British blogger to mention the newly-announced Royal Engagement. I’m sure it won’t be the last time the media frenzy surrounding Prince William and Kate Middleton’s engagement is mentioned on Fishnet Bluestocking – even if it is in the form of a rant – as only a few hours in I’m sure mrs_random_cheese (a fellow brit) is already getting as sick as I am at all the fawning obsession surrounding the couple (and I’m saying this as a supporter of the monarchy). It will be interesting to see how the media start treating “Wait-y Katie” now she’s in line to be Queen – the "commoner" who dares to marry a Royal moulded into a new Diana, or (seeing as it's the 21st century) actually allowed to be a modern woman? Hmm…

On THE final note: Prince Harry in charge of a stag do? I’d pay to see that...